sometimes something happens that catches me completely off guard and its like i’ve been catapulted into my past. into one of the chapters long since closed. long since grieved for.
sometimes, its a song, running into someone, or finding something from that time period.
on friday i had some nervous energy and decided to clean out my car while waiting in the carpool line.
i haven’t had this car long, but considering how quickly my life has changed, there was a story of items from the past 5 years. hidden treasures within my seats, in my glove box and in my armrest.
as i moved things around this popped up:
i’ve seen it in my armrest since i got my car. in fact, admittedly it moved with me from my last car. it’s just a pacifier you say. why yes, it is. and oddly enough it doesn’t belong to my daughter sloane or the little girl that i nanny for, m. they both use pacifiers but this one is not theirs. how do i know you ask, because this one, this one belonged to calen.
calen is 10.5 years old now. he hasn’t used a pacifier for more than half of his life. but in so many ways he was my first baby. the first one who i loved with all of my heart and all of my being. he was the one who taught me how to love unconditionally. he’s like my little best friend.
somehow seeing this little treasure every time i’d go into my armrest made me feel like that time wasn’t so far away. it allowed me a moment of an escape to a different time. a simpler time. it made me relish those times when it was just calen and i. it was so very long ago. several lifetimes. but such a happy time in my life. he was like a little angel who brought happiness to everyone he was around.
without calen, and this pacifier, i would’t be the mommy i am today. he helped me see what was important and what kind of mommy i wanted to be.
see, a walk down memory lane brought to you by an 8 year old pacifier. 😉
RIP Tiger Paci, it was time to send you on your way. thank you for the memories. you will never be forgotten. ❤