unanswered prayers

yesterday i was given THE best gift of my life.

my friend and her husband and baby came to town and i offered to take the 22-month old so they could go out to dinner and then he just stayed the night.

he is just adorable! and the sweetest little guy. it was so weird being with another little person the same age as the baby that i watch all week, that wasn’t him! we had  a great time together. and he is welcome to my house any time he wants! i mean, he slept later than me!! his mom had come from the hotel and we were having coffee and talking for a while before he got up! my kinda guy! 😉

having him here at my apartment was THE BEST gift anyone could have ever given me.

whilst 12-hour days with 3-kids, chasing, carrying, question answering, directing, meal preparing, argument referring, question answering and cuddling are all just in a days work  for me, it’s my job. i leave my house and i step into their house and i’m at work. but having a baby in my own house, on my saturday night was eye-opening.

i wasn’t in work mode. i was at home. and yes, my house is not completely baby friendly and if a baby lived here full-time it would be, but ZOMG you can’t get a god damn thing done!!!

and it REALLY made me realize what i was on the brink of getting myself into last year and was still considering. single motherhood.

it changed my thoughts on EVER trying to do this alone. i will add the caveat knowing what i know about kids, it would be MUCH easier with an older child, but they start out as babies and then become toddlers before they are older children!!

i digress.  imagine_box_a

as i sat here last night in my room, watching the sweet little baby in the pack n play  by the light of my electric baby safe candles, i couldn’t help but think of garth brook’s unanswered prayers.

i want to be a mom more than anything in the world. and i know what it’s like to take care of them and be with them, but to be the sole care-taker of a child under 5 is just exhausting. it’s never-ending. it’s rewarding and fun but it’s nonstop.

today has been an interesting day.

feeling sad. i can’t help but think of the adoption that didn’t happen. but i also can’t help but be relieved because of those 18-hours it made me realize how not ready to have a baby on my own, in this apartment i am.

it made me grateful. so very grateful for that experience and ability to come to this conclusion on my own.

and i know someday we’ll know all the answers, but for now……..it is what it is and maybe, just maybe there’s a good reason some things don’t work out. ❤

“sometimes i thank god for unanswered prayers

remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs

that just because he may not answer, doesn’t mean he don’t care

some of god’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”



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