i’m writing this post for those i love and those i don’t even know traveling down a painful road.
i’m writing for those other women out there that want to be a mom and aren’t yet for one reason or another.
i’m not here to preach.
i’m not here to tell you what’s right for you and your family
i’m not trying to change your mind.
it’s just a story of a little girl who wanted to be a mommy when she grew up.
over the past year and a half as many of you know i was thrust into and now become very ensconced in the world of adoption. i feel very strongly that adoption is an amazing gift and a wonderful way to become a mom or dad, and there are so many babies and children out there that need families.
my eyes were opened about 6 months after i started nannying, he was 9 months old and, as i type this i vividly remember looking into his big blue eyes as i was dancing with his little 9 month old body, to bon jovi “it’s my life” (of course!!), and he was giggling those amazing belly laughs and smiling at me and i was too and it was at THAT VERY MOMENT that i realized…………..a child does not have to come out of you for you to love them with everything you are.
what a gift that was to learn.
i remember thinking at the time, what a powerful realization i had just experienced, “wow, i COULD love a baby that i care for and love even though he/she wasn’t part of ME physically.”
i knew from that moment, on that night, that as his nanny, i would do anything i had to, to protect him.
and that’s when i realized that if i couldn’t get pregnant which was always a giant fear of mine or if mr right didn’t show up, i COULD adopt, and i WOULD be absolutely fine.
because what i always wanted was………to be a mommy. and i would be.
i read stories of so much struggle with fertility. the pain. the losses. the multiple losses. they can’t help but become obsessed. and they cannot be enjoying their lives and they are in pain all of the time. it’s no life for anyone. the pain month after month after month. and it breaks my heart. over and over and over again for them. but i understand it.
…..because i too wanted to be a mommy when i grew up.
lately, it’s started me thinking. mostly about myself and a few of my close friends currently struggling to conceive and that’s when it hit me.
they want to be a mommy too.
and that lesson i learned with calen that 2008 spring night popped into my head.
what i had always wanted in the world was to be a mommy.
of course as a little girl i just assumed i’d get pregnant and have that baby. of course a zillion times over the years i put a ball in my shirt and pretended i was pregnant. of course i always assumed my becoming a mommy would come after 9+ months of pregnancy. don’t we all?? it’s what we grow up expecting as the role of the woman.
but let’s be honest, i also grew up thinking i’d be married by 27, and have 4 or 5 kids by 35. clearly, i’ve learned one must realize that their childhood images, aren’t always realistic. i’ve learned that there is no prince on a white horse coming to save you and that you can set as many lifetime plans as you want, but somehow, life ends up happening the way it’s supposed to, and for some of us, that’s a hard realization to come to when it’s not what you (thought you) had wanted.
so i started thinking about my friends and started thinking that maybe the picture of parenthood needs to change.
how could i share this lesson i learned and how powerfully it affected me?
if all i ever wanted was to become a mommy…….why does it matter how that happens??
whether it’s pregnancy? IVF? surrogacy? adoption?
at the end of ALL OF THAT…..there’s a baby and a mommy is made!!!
the best analogy i can come up with is that it’s kinda like college. when you’re 18, the biggest deal in the world is “where are you going to college and what is your major gonna be??”.
at 25, it’s “what was your major and what are you doing now?”
at 38, let me tell you, no one gives a flying fuck if you took underwater basket weaving as your major.
isn’t that kinda just the same thing theoretically??
if you want to be a mom (or a dad) why does it matter how it happens, but THAT it happens.
why choose to suffer month after month and go through the pain and anguish so many do when there are so many other options and ways to become a mommy??
a pregnancy is 9+ months long.
being a mommy………. that lasts a lifetime.