As the leaves change, it reminds me it’s time for some change…….

This post is not easy for me to write. In fact I’ll be honest it’s been in my head for over a month now and because I’m so emotional and sensitive about it I think it’s just been easier not to write at all.

I HATE being a Debbie Downer.

I HATE that there are people close to me who only know me as someone that’s always down.

I HATE that I no longer can see the glass is half full in my life.

I HATE that I’ve allowed people into my life and into my heart who have abused that privilege and my kindness because they’re too selfish to care about anyone but themselves.

I HATE that I’ve been dumb enough to allow these relationships to begin and much less continue.

I HATE that we live in a world of social media where one believes it’s ok to hurt someone IN REAL LIFE, but then can’t understand why one would unfriend or unfollow them.

I LOVE social media. It has hands down changed my life. But it’s not perfect. I’ve been too trusting. I’ve cared too much. I’ve given too much of myself.

I’ve begun to make some BIG decisions for my life.

Some I’m ready to share, some will be in an upcoming post dedicated specifically to those changes and my future.

I cannot continue down the path I’m on.

I will not continue to allow people I love (or once loved) to control my feelings.

I need to surround myself with only those who REALLY support me.

I need to surround myself with people who REALLY care about me.

I need to eradicate those from my life both IRL friends and online friends (and online friends that became IRL friends) that are just following me on social media for gossip purposes but don’t ACTUALLY care to have me in their lives.

This life I’m living is rough.

It’s hard to wake up each morning.

It’s getting harder and harder to slap a smile on and pretend I’m ok.

I’m nowhere near where I want to be in life, and not for lack of trying or unadulterated longing.

This time of year is really hard to begin with. The holidays. The happy people and happy families. The lavish vacations I wish I could take.

It highlights the lonely. The sad. The longing for what I want so badly but can’t seem to find.

Not many can truly understand this. I’m grateful that I have several people close to me who do.

It doesn’t mean I begrudge YOUR happiness!!

It doesn’t mean I feel no one should be happy!!

That’s ABSOLUTELY UNEQUIVOCALY not what I’m trying to share. And if you REALLY know me, you know that others happiness makes me happy. That’s what makes me tick. I truly, honestly whole-HEARTEDLY am happy when someone I care about is happy! I love them enough that they deserve the blessings life has brought them.

But it doesn’t change the lonely and hurt inside of me.

There’s nothing you can do but be my friend.

Give hugs.

Remember those around you in my same shoes.

Remember not everyone is as blessed as you are.

Remember how lonely this time of year can be for so many.

Don’t get so wrapped up in you’re own life that you forget about those that need you.

It doesn’t take more than 30 seconds or less to send a text saying ” thinking of you! xoxo”, “miss you! xox”, “sending you a digital hug! xo”.

DO YOU know how much that small gesture could mean to someone??

I triple dog dare you to text and/or email someone you don’t normally talk with regularly OR have lost touch with for no reason at all, every day between now and the end of the year to brighten their day. It costs you nothing. But could mean the world of difference to someone. It could make their day. It can save a life.

I was once told a story about a college girl who was ready to commit suicide. She was sitting on her bed with bottles and bottles of pills. She saw her phone light up and looked and out of nowhere someone she hadn’t talked to in a while sent her a text and all it said was “thinking of you”, and you know what, it made her remember there were people out there WHO DO care. Who did love her. And instead of taking her life, she got help. Unknowingly that small little token, saved a life.

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This entry was posted in life, my own brand of crazy, uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to As the leaves change, it reminds me it’s time for some change…….

  1. Cousin Bobbe says:

    U R FANTASTIC! Wish we were not that far apart cuz. Maybe this New Year we can arrange to meet half way on one of your days off someplace even if it is just for a cup of coffee. Love you, and have always loved U. Someday we need to talk, just the two of us in person! Take care of your little four legged family – stay in touch, and keep me always in the loop and on your mind. XOXOXO

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