we don’t know when it’ll happen.
we can wait for it endlessly.
we can pray for it. cry about it. and we can wait. but it doesn’t happen until you’re ready.
no matter what you do.
i’ve cried all the tears.
i’ve been angry. i’ve been sad. i’ve been patient.
i’ve been madly in love. more in love than i’ve ever been in my life.
i would never ever regret the love. the emotions. the way it felt to be with him. the way he made me feel. the way he helped me heal.
but today the love goggles came off and somehow, i realized that you can hurt me once, but you can’t hurt me twice because i have natural walls that just pop-up and i will push you away.
i thought he was “the one”.
he wasn’t ready. and i got tired of waiting.
today i found i’m finally healing.
i’m sure there’ll be rough days. and sad days and days where i ask “why”.
there’ll be days songs come on the radio and i spontaneously break out sobbing.
but for now. i’m moving on. i’m ready. i’m stronger than i’ve been. i’m facing reality that i want to be happy.
i want my happily ever after and i am wasting time with someone who isn’t ready for theirs, which is only going to lead to further, harder heart-break down the road.
i deemed this “the year about me”………about me making choices that make ME happy. that fulfill MY needs. ones that i’ve chosen.
i deserve to be with someone who can’t live without me, not has trouble finding time to juggle me into his schedule.
after a year…….i have had enough.
i love him. oh how i love him. with all of my heart and soul. but love isn’t enough.
i need commitment.
i need forward momentum.
i need to feel needed. loved. wanted. ALL the time not just on weeks that are going well for someone else.
……..and i will wait until i do.
in the meantime life moves forward. new changes coming my way soon, and maybe THIS, TODAY, had to happen before that could. i don’t know. i guess we’ll see.
life has a weird way of working out……and sometimes we just don’t know what that’s going to be until it does.