i want to write so badly but i can’t.

i can’t get the words out.

i can’t let loose.

i can’t share.

i can’t talk about it.

i don’t want to.

i want to protect myself.

i want to crawl inside my bed, pull the covers up over my head and never leave my room.

i’m not depressed. i’m not sad. i’m just not feeling like sharing anymore.

i’ve said too much.

i’ve felt too much.

i’ve shared too much.

i hate the ugly i’ve seen and felt.

i hate the hate i’ve seen and felt.

i can’t say anything.

i don’t want to. i want to stay quiet. i want to disappear.

i want to write but i can’t.

so for now. i’m here. i’m alive. i’m busy. i cling to what i can and i’m figuring it out.