tick tock……tick tock

well, it’s that time of year again, that time when i get super weird and contemplative. it’s about to be my birthday and i take being self-aware and assessing my life very seriously twice a year. (well, ALL the time, really!) but i make it my business to be aware and ready to make changes twice a year. once at the new year and once at my birthday. they’re about 6-months apart so it’s a fair gauge.

it started by accident a while back, and now just happens. i suddenly get so weird inside about a month traci the nanny blockbefore.

i spend too much time in my own head thinking about my successes. my failures. what i THOUGHT my life was going to be by “now”, and how it really is. i think about if my life is working for me or if i’m trying to make something work that isn’t meant to be. both interpersonal relationships, friendships and job scenarios.

but i think it’s healthy. it’s healthy to take the time out of your every day life and step back and access your life. to make the changes you need to in order to achieve your goals. to be aware of your side tracking and keep you back on track.

this year is weirder than usual. i have so much on my mind and in my heart. too much for one person. too much for one person to not explode. although i’m doing a damn fine job of not exploding yet. or at least covering well for the exploding going on unseen inside! so let’s just hope wednesday isn’t a spontaneous combustion!!!

i’m not quite ready to share my list of “resolutions” or changes that i plan to make for the 2nd half of this year, or for this following year of my life, but i may at some point. for now, this is just about explaining why i’ve been sort of aloof and absent.

when i have too much on my mind i have trouble writing. i WANT to write more than anything but i can’t focus long enough to do so!

so for now, know that life is happening.

i’m okay.

i’m just trying to figure it out.

i’m scoring another new piece of furniture for my house which makes me happy.

i’ve decided to do away with the turquoise in my room for now, i need something more cheery……and less “left over” from the “nursery” plan. so the turquoise will get packed up with the giraffe’s to be seen and used at a later date.

2013-07-20 19.48.20but other than that, i’m trying to decide how and when to start talking about these changes, but i think i need to digest them first. there’s been a lot going on that i haven’t dealt with lately that requires way more time and attention than i’ve allowed it and there are things i’ve obsessed over nonstop that i need to let go.

however you look at it, my birthday makes me crazy. it’s no longer something i look forward to, it’s more of a panic over what hasn’t been accomplished in the past 6-12 months. i’m trying to put that into perspective but for now, it is what it is.

a time for growth. a time for acceptance. a time of forgiveness. a time of reflection and a time to make decisions and changes.

so as i’m in the thick of it i thank you for your patience, love and support! and i’m curious……do you have any special, weird or creative traditions that YOU do around your birthday??? just curious! would love to know! ❤

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4 Responses to tick tock……tick tock

  1. Jen says:

    I get the same way around my birthday! It was especially difficult this past year as I turned 30! good luck with figuring everything out! 🙂

  2. Nadine Ochs says:

    You girls are funny! My tradition is that when I worked full time I ALWAYS took my birthday off even when I had this home daycare. The other holidays are about everyone else, and this is your day! I have choose to spend it with family or be alone, with no guilt. Surprising my 30’s was the best time of my life, followed by the 40’s with the birth of grandchildren. I learned to not take so many things and people serious. I removed a lot of the negative drama, and annoying people in my life whether it was friends or family! My 50’s I struggled after turning 52 with multiple surgeries (minor) stuff, but I was never really sick before.Thankfully I am getting better mentally and physically, by not working now and the undying support of my best friend…….my husband, David. Traci, be thankful that you aren’t sick physically, or that your are the sole caretaker of your aging,ill parents. From what I have read about you, you have made a everlasting impression on the lives of the little people “you have raised”. And no one can take that away from you, not even the parents. Have a wonderful birthday and drink a glass of sangria for me. Happy birthday sweet friend from afar. 🙂 Dina

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