thank you ALL for your outpouring of love and support, i can’t tell you how much it means to me.
i wanted to take the time and be a little more detailed about WHAT it is i learned last night that was so discouraging. because i AM sad, but, i think i’m more sad because it brought up all of the ugly things that transpired with the previous birth mom and we are very close to what is to be her due date, consequently, i can’t get it off my mind.
that being said, those of you who’ve been following me through this journey already know that i never wanted or intended to be a single mom. it was a HUGE stumbling block for me when i was approached by the birth mom last year. at the time, part of how i made my decision was that i was getting a healthy, full term, newborn that this 22-year-old was pregnant with, unemployed, unplanned and already had a toddler of her own from another father. i saw it as a win for me and a win for the baby.
i got to become a mom and the baby would have a home where he/she was loved more than anything, cherished and cared for, where otherwise he/she may have ended up in the system.
i wasn’t looking for accolades or pats on my back, it’s just something i’ve always cared about and wanted to do was adopt a child that needed a home.
i felt like last night in the meeting it seemed desperate. and because they only talked private adoption most of the topics were related to my previous attempt, and struck a nerve with me and made me emotional about it all.
i guess i had envisioned a child who’d been taken from their parents and the parents having lost custody. or a safe haven baby. a baby that otherwise would be in the system and not have a mommy to love him/her. THIS, what going through the agency would be, felt like baby shopping. it felt dirty. it felt ugly.
YET THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!!! and honestly, check back with me in 2 years when i hit 40 and i can’t promise i won’t feel differently, but at this point in my life, my objective if i am going to adopt, is to give a home to a child that NEEDS one. one that would otherwise in theory, be what we think of as an orphan.
so your outpouring of support and love made me think about this on a very different level and arrive and this conclusion.
i do not want to offend ANYONE! i think adoption of any kind is amazing and i’m proud to be part of that community and hopefully a member of it someday when i DO get an opportunity to adopt a baby of my own.
i hope that better explains WHY last night didn’t go as planned. nothing was wrong. nothing other than the sheer lack of birth mothers they have in a year, was upsetting, stunning or off-putting.
i am now in contact with Westside Children’s Center who is also a private non-profit agency but they require no fees, just an extensive training program and they do foster child and foster/adopt. just as i can specify if i’m open to a multi-racial baby or a newborn vs an older child, i can also request only to be considered for babies whose parents have already had their parental rights terminated so the “foster” part is just a formality.
the sheer number of children in our system is staggering. 1 in 50 children in California are permanently removed from their homes a day. 56,138 children in were in foster care in California in 2012.
THESE are the children of which i want to adopt. THIS is what i thought i was going to last night. i’m glad i went last night, i learned A LOT and now feel so much more educated and almost feel as if maybe i know TOO much, but i guess that can’t ever be a bad thing!
so the journey continues!
i’m going to skip the next month or two and then see about attending the orientation for WCC to get started on the process of becoming certified to be a legal Foster parent in California which then makes me eligible to adopt a safe haven baby or any other baby that they feel would be a good match for me. AND because parental rights are terminated before i would be getting the baby, it would be more of a “closed” adoption although not called that.
i hope you all have a wonderful friday. i again appreciate more than i could ever express, how much your kind words and just the act of reaching out meant to me today.
love you guys!