when i make a mistake, the first thing i do is apologize.
i don’t stop to think did i MEAN to do what i did? i just apologize.
i learned a few years ago that in a relationship it’s not what you did to hurt that person, it’s that the person is hurt. end of story. thousands of dollars of therapy (thank you Cheryl the Shrink!), i learned that, and it’s one of the greatest lessons as an adult i’ve learned and i embrace in my day-to-day life.
i don’t stop to deny i hurt the person, their feelings were hurt, and regardless THAT needs to be rectified and anything else including what my intention may have been that was misread is explained, but LATER, after i’ve taken the time to apologize and try to get the other person to realize how much i value our relationship and would never have wanted to hurt their feelings.
we are all human.
we all make mistakes.
we say things we don’t mean.
we react out of emotion.
WE ARE HUMAN!
sometimes, i sit back and replay a situation in my head and i think, WTF just happened?!?! i don’t understand how A turned into M. Or how when I was trying to explain grapefruits, the other person came up with apples.
there is only one person in 37 years that i’ve been wronged by, that at any time, couldn’t just simply call, say, text, email and say “i’m sorry, i fucked up” or “i’m sorry, i made a mistake”, “i’m so sorry, i didn’t realize how i came across” or “i’m sorry, i love you and miss you” which then opens up the lines of communication.
often times i have found the WHY isn’t important, the getting back to good and on the same page is what matters. getting your friend back. or you the person you love.
10 years ago i didn’t understand this. 6 years ago i started to get it and between 35 and now i realize how precious relationships are, how fragile. how easily they can be broken yet how simply they can be repaired.
but some people won’t apologize. some people don’t understand that an explanation isn’t what matters. the why doesn’t matter. it’s the “i’m sorry, i miss you, let’s move on” that matters.
i’m so grateful i learned this lesson. i’m so glad because we ARE all human and saying you’re sorry or saying you don’t know something is hard on the ego, but, i guess it matters what’s most important. your own ego and salvaging some perception of who you are, or fixing a relationship and moving on.
between spouses. lovers.
parent and child. child and parent.
we teach our children to say we’re sorry. but do we teach them WHY we say we’re sorry?? i know i often say to the kids, “say it like you mean it”.
i asked my mom recently and she said that that was something they said to us, because she didn’t want us to learn to say we were sorry just to move on, the idea was to actually BE sorry.
are we applying this to our own lives and saying we’re sorry like we’d expect our 4-year-old to do on the playground??
probably not or we wouldn’t have the road rage and people flipping the bird in traffic like we do!
we should learn from what we teach our children.
as we grow up and see the world, we become jaded and ego driven and we forget how simply something can be resolved.
“i’m really sorry. i never meant to hurt you. let’s go grab some coffee” or
“i’m so sorry, that just popped out, it wasn’t aimed at you but i could see now where you would think that”.
no defense, just the “i’m sorry” like we teach our children to do when they run into a friend while riding a bike on the playground. or grabbing a toy from a friend.
we can learn a lot from our children and what we teach the children when we apply it to our own lives. i know i’m going to take the time to hear what i’m saying to the kids more and apply it to my adult life, i challenge you to do the same.