a mother’s day reminder…..

it’s friday morning, an hour before my alarm was to go off, i have some extra time and i’m LONG overdue for a blog post!

i think that march & april have been so painful for me that i spent my time just looking forward. trying to process things. focusing on me. trying to survive without losing it altogether, and honestly, it was close some days.  if not for brady, leah and calen i probably would have lost it completely.  it’s amazing how 3 little people without knowing it can help mend a broken heart and heal a pained soul.

today starts the mother’s day weekend. a weekend i dread annually. and i know i’m not alone.  i’m blessed and lucky enough to have a mother and a grandmother both still with us and both living locally to me, but at 37 almost 38 years old…….there’s just no consolation in that. they’ve been celebrated plenty. 🙂

i want this post to remind you all today, that for those without children that want them, whether they’re struggling with infertility or a recent miscarriage, a botched adoption, the loss of a child, a new separation or divorce or they just haven’t reached that stage in life yet, this weekend is one of the hardest there is. it’s filled with sadness and pain and loneliness.

it doesn’t mean that we, and i speak from a personal place here, but i do so on behalf of ALL the women that struggle, begrudge you. BE HAPPY!! CELEBRATE!!! ENJOY!!! just do it privately. do it with your family the way it’s meant to be celebrated.  posting about it doesn’t make it more real. posting about it, doesn’t make you better than others. posting about it, hurts many more than it could possibly “help”.

this year, there will be so many women celebrating their first mother’s day, and i wish you all the happiness in the world celebrating a day that you dreamt of celebrating your entire life most likely.

but don’t forget the years before. how painful they were. YOUR dream came true, but plenty of others are still waiting. somehow, i’ve found in the past few years that people somehow forget that. once they have a child, the loss they’ve felt in the past, the hurt, the loneliness is all but forgotten and ignored. and they become that over-posting, bragging, person not thinking of anyone elses feelings or how their posts might make someone else feel.

as an example, it’s like those blog posts i was following a few years ago with a few particular women who were going for IVF treatments after trying for second children.  a few months later they found themselves pregnant. naturally.  life took it’s course and they had a baby, a healthy baby growing inside them and yet all i could read about was how scared they were to have 2. how they didn’t plan this. how they didn’t know HOW they were going to do it. hello hypocrite much??

THINK BEFORE YOU POST.

that’s not to say that you have to write to others approval.  i know my blog is my own space to say what i think and feel no matter how anyone else feels about it. you don’t have to agree with me. you don’t have to like me and you don’t have to be my friend.

BUT THINK OF OTHERS AND NOT JUST YOURSELF.

just because your life is all sunshine and roses this year, doesn’t mean you should forget last year. and the year before and the year before.  but that’s what happens.  there’s this division. the moms and the non-moms.  (and when I write this I write from the perspective of someone who wants nothing more than to be a mom, i cannot speak for those that are happy being childless, good for you for knowing what you want, but i understand none of this would pertain to you.)

i’m not asking you to make those of us without children feel better. i’m not asking you to feel guilty for those that don’t have what you have.

go out, celebrate. enjoy your family. whatever it looks like. mother’s work HARD, and deserve a day all about them!!! (every day should be mother’s day in my opinion seeing as though i see how one’s sanity is stretched on an hourly basis when spending all your time with children!)

HERE’S MY CHALLENGE:030

1.) enjoy your holiday with your family, privately.

2.) stay off the internet. if you’re REALLY spending the day with your family, your phone should be in your purse and you should be spending QUALITY time with those children and spouses you are so blessed and lucky to have.

3.) post A picture, but remember, as you post that picture, that someone who just suffered a miscarriage and heart is broken will see that picture. that may not be your goal, i’m sure it’s not, but its a fact. it’s life.

i love social media but when it comes to this, it makes me angry and stabby and want to never go online again. people are so hurtful. so thoughtless and so selfish when they post on FB and IG.  THINK people. THINK. you are having a wonderful day, you are spending your first year with your baby or your toddlers or older children IS special and you should spend every single minute enjoying that.  but if you’re enjoying it, you shouldn’t have the time or need to be tweeting, FBing or posting every freaking picture you took on IG. BE IN THE MOMENT. BE PRESENT.

i just ask you to remember.

remember those that follow you.

remember your friends.

remember that just because YOU are blessed not everyone is and for many, this weekend is a very tough one and being alone, social media IS a place to go and vent and talk to others in your same shoes, but when you have to weed through 75 mother’s day pictures and posts to get to have that conversation your heart is broken before you even get there.

if by now i haven’t made clear the point i’m trying to make is this:

if you’re enjoying your family you shouldn’t need to post it and slap pictures everywhere to prove it. just enjoy it. post A picture. A status update. A story.  but remember, as you do so, someone’s reading that or looking at it and their heart is breaking into a thousand pieces and whether you meant to or not, YOU are responsible for that.

think of others.

think of those not as fortunate.

…….and most of all, every time you post you should THINK ABOUT SOMEONE BESIDES YOURSELF. just because you’re having an amazing day, weekend whatever, celebrating being a mom does not mean everyone is and the assumption that society puts on this has made many blind to these facts.

with that, i wish a VERY Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mommies out there.  enjoy your day! enjoy your pampering. enjoy doing something about you! just keep the others in your heart and in your mind and remember and THINK BEFORE posting. ❤

love,

traci xoxo

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