I can’t believe how the years have flown by…..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LEAH

……i wanted to write a little post to leah on the eve of her 3rd birthday.

dearest leah grace,

i remember the week you were born like it was yesterday. we waited for you and waited you. you challenged us with a few false alarms but, well, as per your personality today, you came on your own terms when YOU were ready!! shocking knowing you today! 😉

i felt like i got to be a part of your coming into this world, having the honor of being with calen the whole time your mommy was in the hospital having you. your brother understood mommy was gone. he understood he was getting a sister, but i’m not sure what he really thought. i remember thinking how these were the last days with just him and how could i ever love another child that wasn’t mine as much as i did him.

and then i remember getting the text: “we have a yeah to go with our cayen”, see, back in those days calen couldn’t say his L’s so we knew how he would say your name correctly from the start, and it was the cutest thing EVAH!!! (i’m glad he speaks properly but boy do i miss that yittle boy who called me twace!)

i had always played with dolls as a girl, and i have always LOVED babies, but i was never the kind of girl who said she wanted a girl. in fact, when people heard my cousin who already had 2 boys was expecting a boy they’d tilt their head and apologize like something was wrong with not wanting a girl! and here at the time i thought 3 boys sounded so much fun! so, i never had this need for a little girl, but i knew how exciting it would be to be around a fresh, new, yummy smelling baby again, and adding to your family and becoming a family of four, how perfect, the boy and the girl.

from the day you came home, you just melted my heart. the way you looked at your brother, as if you remembered his voice from the womb. i had never really held and cared for a baby as young and small as you were. i think you were 2 days old, maybe 3 when you came home (it was during the H1N1 fiasco so we hadn’t visited you at the hospital). i changed your teeny tiny diaper and thought “wow, this is really happening”. as you sat in my lap, looking up at my in this teeny, tiny, pink and white fleece blanket sleeper i just kept looking at you thinking, “you are a baby girl!!’

i had never thoughts i especially wanted a girl, so what was this sudden excitement to dress you up all the time?? oh, you were like a real life doll!! i couldn’t help myself! and you went right along with it! my mom says that i’ve turned you into the little diva that you are now, constantly dressing you and photographing you! i say, it’s just part of who you are. and who you are is frustrating and so very difficult sometimes, but you have the biggest heart of anyone i’ve ever met. you’re stubborn. you’re opinionated. you’re resourceful. you’re compassionate. you’re caring. you are 3, yet have the soul of someone who’s lived a lot of life. someone who sees through people, someone who connects and understands people. i’ve always felt that way.

you have made me a better person.

i remember i used to refer to you as my “little secret keeper”, because we talked and chatted and spent all day together! you were born at a time in my life that wasn’t so happy so you were a welcome distraction and an awesome sidekick! nothing makes me happier than looking at pictures of “baby leah” with you and remembering back to that time we had together, just you and i.

you love my dogs, and have this amazingly special bond with riley that’s been from the start. i love how much you love each other and she would let you do anything to her or with her. i remember when you were little i’d leave the room, and come back and you’d have handfuls of white fluffy hair in your little hands…….and you couldn’t move yet so riley COULD HAVE gotten away with no problem! but YOU, Leah, for some reason, are HER BABY. she loves you more than i’ve ever seen her with anyone else, and watching you with her warms my heart and makes it so full that all the loves of my life enjoy each other how like they do.