The Blog Dare

Okay, so as far as The Blog Dare has gone, I’ve sorta fallen off the wagon.  Ironically today’s theme and topic is “what helps me to write…..” which was sorta what I was going to write about tonight anyway. Ironic. Always.

I’ve been MIA online lately in general.  My Twitter & Facebook time drastically limited as well as I’ve somewhat abandoned my blog for a few weeks here……..but there’s a reason. A very real, and very important reason.  Everything is fine, no need to worry, but, I guess I learned something about myself.  That when I have something very real and very big on my mind, I have a hard time focusing and writing about anything else.

So far 2013 has been okay.  Nothing stellar. (yet), but nothing tragic or worth mentioning. So I consider that a win, considering what the past few have been like.  I’m working hard at staying positive or turning the negative into a positive, to not getting myself in a dither or anxiety ridden over things I cannot control and being grateful for those little things, the little moments.  I have a bunch of little notes in my giant jar for the year, not as many as I’d thought, but, I found that I didn’t have something every single day I’d consider worthwhile, but when I do, I add to it.  As February approaches I look forward to switching to the flourescent pink squares instead of the dark turquoise.  I don’t know why, but it seems exciting. Positive. Forward.

I’m finally moving forward.  It’s been A LONG TIME since I got unstuck.  A long time since I was propelling forward in my life.  I’m making relationships.  I’m loving someone.  I’m enjoying the moments with the kids because they’re gone all too fast.  This is the first moment I realized it.  It’s taken a long time to get here, and a lot of tears and pain and darkness, but, life is moving at least.

I’m working on my future. Considering choices, making plans.  Looking at what I want between now and 40.  Realistically.  For the first time in my life I don’t want to play pretend, I want to see what I have in front of me, and make plans.

Within the next two years where do I see myself? And funny enough, I don’t have a single idea what I pictured. Every single part of my adult life that I’d planned out and expected hasn’t gone as planned, I haven’t prepared for it and it’s thrown me for a loop, every step of the way.  (Not being married at 27, being single and alone at 30, moving with a torn up finger in the pouring rain for the first time in 6 months at 35.) Just some of  the things that stressed me out because they didn’t happen how I’d pictured them.

In the meantime I think that way of thinking (obviously from my upbringing) is finally gone. I can think for today, and I can weigh options. And while making big life altering decisions is impossible for most anyone, I’m confident that no matter what happens and what choices I make, following my heart and doing it my way. ~ traci xoxo

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2 Responses to The Blog Dare

  1. Manisha says:

    Hey Traci! Hope you’re well. Just nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award on my blog. http://manishad.wordpress.com/

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