tonight i was brave. very brave, but i am so so sad, i had to take back control.

i have never been so happy in my entire life and i am so grateful for the 3+  months i had that happiness. it oozed from inside and i miss that feeling already, but i’m grateful i got the chance to feel so loved and adored.

but it just wasn’t enough. or the right time.

i’ve never felt so empty before doing such a small gesture, but i do.

you see, i’m off for 10 days starting 12/21, and i don’t want to spend that whole week waiting for something that’s not going to happen. i’d rather know where i stand.

so i will allow myself to be sad for the next week or so, and then find a way to enjoy MY time off. MY vacation time.

i am so much stronger than i was 9 years ago and i am so proud of myself.

proud i could make the decision that i deserve more no matter how sad walking away has made me.

it doesn’t have to be over it just has to be different and better and i need to come first……….but in the meantime i’m sad. and i need to grieve what now won’t be.

bare with me, i’ll come around i promise. just give me some time. ~ traci xoxo