in loving memory

like everyone else in the world, i’m stunned and devastated by the deaths of the two krim children in nyc at the hands of their nanny. i’ve already read posts admonishing them for using a nanny. i’ve already read the internet & social networking sites filled with finger-pointing. as a nanny, i take it very personally.

her killing those children had nothing to do with her being the nanny. it’s because she was sick. someone who can envision harming a child is sick. she needed help. whether it’s bipolar disorder, or some other depression caused illness including post partum depression, you need to get help. it doesn’t make you weak to admit you need help, IT MAKES YOU STRONGER. for yourself and for your children.

as a parent it’s easy to point fingers so that someone is at fault. someone is responsible. we want to be able to say it’s because they hired a nanny that their children were killed.

but i remind you, before this, we have all read the headlines, susan smith, andrea yates, casey anthony, and there are so many others i discovered while researching for this post. mother’s who kill their own children. which is far more difficult for any of us to comprehend as a society.

the Huffington Post “our shock at such stories is, of course, understandable: they seem to go against everything we intuitively feel about the mother-child bond. but mothers kill their children in this country much more often than most people would realize by simply reading the headlines; by conservative estimates it happens every few days, at least 100 times a year. experts say more mothers than fathers kill their children under 5 years of age. and some say our reluctance as a society to believe mothers would be capable of killing their offspring is hindering our ability to recognize warning signs, intervene and prevent more tragedies”

and so the problem remains.

this isn’t a problem about a nanny who killed these children.

this is a devastating event that should open ALL of our eyes to how much mental illness affects us all and how we can never be too afraid to reach out and get help for ourselves or a friend or someone close to us.

i cannot even imagine the pain that those parents are going through. i can’t imagine the pain that the nanny must have been feeling that led her to kill someone else’s children and then attempt to kill herself.  this isn’t a picture of a  healthy woman. it’s the picture of a woman struggling who needed help.

i can’t let this event go. it hurts me to my core. for the parents. for those children. for the daughter left behind who will never be the same. and for the nanny’s family.

we’ve all been devastated by this event. we’ve all focused on who killed those children and not why, which should be the main focus here. she was a woman with an undiagnosed mental disorder, she is not alone.

if you yourself are struggling, reach out. talk to a friend, a family member. call a hotline. go into a hospital and ask for help.  on a “5150” they HAVE TO keep you for 72-hours if you say you are afraid that you are going to harm yourself or your children. don’t be ashamed. life is tough. juggling it all can be hard. pretending to be strong all the time is tough. sometimes it gets to be too much.  don’t go through this alone. don’t allow yourself to be involved in a tragic event because you didn’t seek the help you needed.

if you see someone you care about with any of the signs of someone who is struggling with depression, do the same. if you’re afraid to confront them, then call the police. again, they have to hold the person on a 5150 if they are told that the person could or can harm her or his self. don’t make this the time you stand idly by, it could mean the difference of life or death.

so as we mourn the passing of these two beautiful children, and we try to make sense out of how something so tragic could happen in such an upscale community, amongst so many with the means to get help, keep your eyes open. get help if you need it. don’t be ashamed. don’t be afraid.

saying you need help is the strongest thing you can do. i did it, and i’m so glad that i did. ~ traci xoxo

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