my life has been changing over the past few months.
i’ve made commitments to myself since my birthday july 24th, to stop some of the self-deprecating behavior i’ve been allowing for far too long.
i’ve made commitments to myself regarding my physical health, my mental health, my family, my social life, and my state of being. i’ve committed to writing daily, sometimes in this blog to share with others and sometimes to be kept as drafts or written in a journal. either way, so far, i’m on the road to healing some of what has been hurting inside me for a long time.
a step in this process i’ve come to realize is finally letting go. letting go of the relationships i’m trying to hold onto. letting go of what once was. allowing memories to be just that. to have the good cry if i needed, but to start to let go.
letting go is powerful. letting go is painful. but letting go is freeing.
why force a relationship? why beg to be part of someone’s inner circle? why can’t i just walk away?
i don’t know those answers. i don’t know if i ever will. but, its time. time to let go of some of the relationships i thought i’d have forever.
we met when we were young. no one knew back then we’d still know each other so many years later.
we’ve sometimes taken the same paths, but i saw that as a gift. i thought it was a gift that we were all so different. i could learn from you and you from me. for almost my entire life you have been there. you’ve been thought of daily. you’ve been considered when i made decisions. i thought of you like family.
but we aren’t family and i won’t always be there. i can’t be anymore.
i’m in this relationship alone. i’m the only one that cares.
to you it’s a missed call, to me it’s another time you’ve not made time or room for me in your life.
to you it’s an “i’m busy” to me it’s, i’m finally starting to get the hint that you don’t want me in your life because someone who did, would make the time.
i wanted to believe the excuses i made for your absence.
i wanted to believe that it would go back to being like it should be. but i can’t. because it didn’t. and now i know it never will.
it’s all ancient history.
know that i love you, and you will always be in my thoughts and my prayers. i only wish you the best on your journey in life. i hope you find the happiness you want. good-bye my friend, good-bye. ❤
love, traci xoxo