quick clarification…..this post is not trying to say that working moms have it easier, AT ALL. i in fact, can’t even imagine juggling both being a full time employee and a mommy. but i’m trying to point out that BOTH sides have it hard and can’t we all just support one another as mommies and mother’s of children??? isn’t being a mommy a hard enough job without the rhetoric and constant judging?? in the end, don’t we all just want the same thing, what’s best for our children??
i’ve been on Twitter for the past 18+ months. at first i hated it. then i loved it. then i hated it again. and now i love it again, and can’t imagine life without it. i’ve learned so much, i’ve made new friends, i have 2012 style pen pals across the country. i love what it’s brought to my life.
one of the things i’ve noticed however, is this fight between the working mother and the stay at home mom. i don’t understand it.
everyone has a different method. everyone has different morals, values, philosophies and reasons they do what they do. some don’t have a choice. some make a choice. why is it anyone’s place to judge that choice?
i have very strong beliefs in how i plan to raise my own child(ren). most of what i’ve implemented in my job is based on my early childhood education degree and i have a reason i do what i do. i can explain it to you at any time, because everything i do has a reason. but that doesn’t mean i believe YOUR way is wrong. it’s just not how i would do it. and i’m okay with that.
that being said, i just had 3 school free days with the kids this weekend while their mommy gave birth to their baby brother.
I LOVE THESE KIDS.
i could not love them more if they came out of me. i would do anything for them. but man oh man was that exhausting!!! i mean, seriously? the amount of questions asked in a 10 minute period?!?
I’M STILL EXHAUSTED.
from the mind changing on food and the temper tantrums when you say no. the sticky hands. the touching everything. the taking out toys and leaving them around and then having to count and bribe them to get them to just put them away. to the nap argument, “i’m not tired”, “i know you are and all of our bodies need some rest”. to the mountain of laundry that seems to grow out of nowhere and the in and out of the car with the car seats, to the realizing at the end of the 3 days you may not have eaten or drank the entire time you were too damn busy and exhausted.
as i lay in bed yesterday, it occurred to me that i am right smack dab in the middle of this debate. i’m not a mother, i’m a caregiver, but, i basically consider myself a paid SAHM. i can see both sides of the argument, but i think that it’s a disgrace there IS an argument.
the thought that anyone who does THAT full-time, 24/7-365, is made to feel inferior for not having a career blows my mind, and the person who made her feel that way should be ashamed of herself as a woman. as a fellow mother.
it IS the hardest job out there. and it’s nonstop. you don’t get to just veg out and stare at your computer screen because you’re having a bad day.
you don’t get to go out to lunch with your colleges and coworkers and talk about grown up stuff.
you don’t get to walk out the front door and leave behind the troubles of your home. they surround you 24/7 because that IS your job. that mountain of laundry a working mom can walk out the door and ignore is actually IN your work space as a SAHM. you can’t ignore it.
i personally believe from experience both with friends and mom’s i’ve worked for that there’s a very clearly defined line. A LOT of this comes from jealousy. i believe those that put down the SAHM must be doing so because they are jealous that they HAVE TO go to work and the other mom has the “luxury” of staying home with one’s child(ren).
i only say luxury because it IS a luxury nowadays from a financial aspect. but you know what, with that “luxury” comes a price. i know i would happily move into a smaller home, give up a vehicle, cut back on anything i have to to stay home with my child. nothing would be more important to me. so many little things that happen all day every day that i’d be missing. to me, there’s no choice.
i know plenty of women do not have a choice, and my heart goes out to you. i get it. for whatever reason you have to work and that totally sucks. i don’t diminish that. i don’t fault you for that and i don’t think less of a mother who chooses to work. AT ALL. i applaud you for being able to juggle both, it can’t be easy. i’m not sure i could do THAT job.
it’s the two sides that seem to think that THEY are doing it right.
the SAHM is made to feel lesser because she doesn’t have a career. she doesn’t interact with adults daily and she doesn’t take off her yoga pants, because she’s staying home with her kids. that should be commended not frowned upon.
and the working mother shouldn’t be made to feel like less of a mother because she leaves her child to go to work to support her family. but she also should realize how HARD the job of a SAHM is.
we are all different. that’s what makes the world go ’round.
i don’t get this argument, i just don’t. they are just different ways, neither is right. neither is wrong.
i’m not writing this to start an argument. it’s not to pick sides or to cause further dissention. but i got a taste of what a REAL SAHM deals with. i only work 10-12 hours a day and i get to at least sleep overnight uninterrupted, a mommy doesn’t!
if YOU are one of those people who think being a SAHM is all bon-bons and law & order, then i challenge you to use your vacation time to spend 2 weekends and a full 5 days at home with your kids. no babysitters and no family taking them during that time. just you and your kids. 9 days straight.
i bet you’ll have a whole different perspective after that 9-days when you go back to work on what that word “work” means. ~ traci