So this is my first entry since my birthday, since turning 37.
Nothing’s changed really.
These days birthdays just make me feel more comfortable in my own skin.
With who I am. And with my beliefs. And that feels good.
This year, I decided to go away. I got a few days off work and went up to visit friends in a suburb of San Jose. IT WAS AMAZING.
I didn’t know how to articulate it before I went, but here’s how it went.
For 6 days, I didn’t have to plan a meal. I’m not sure I even had a chance to get hungry.
Didn’t have to decide an activity or what we were doing.
Didn’t have to drive anywhere or sit in traffic.
I didn’t have to take care of anyone but myself.
It was heaven.
I don’t have a family that takes care of me in that way, so its not something I’m used to, but wow.
How healing for the soul.
How amazing to be welcomed with open arms, treated like a queen, fed, entertained and treated like the red carpet had been rolled out.
……and all the while, I couldn’t have been happier doing what we did, when we did it and not having any responsibility to anyone or anything was the most freeing feeling I’ve felt in a very long time.
But now I’m home and I just feel disconnected from everyone and everything. I feel like I resent everything and everyone that I’m responsible for (adults included, side eye Reuben).
I know I need to make changes, and I’m starting with documenting my thoughts and trying to organize a plan for myself for the next 525,600 minutes. Until my next birthday.
Because “Every great journey begins with a single step”. ~ Confucius
~ traci xoxo