When I started this blog I knew it was a work in progress. I didn’t know how or what it would become. I still don’t. But, I know I haven’t been using it as much as I should and I’m changing that starting today. I’m making a lot of changes starting now and one of them is to write more. I love it. It makes me happy. It’s something I need to do for me. Which isn’t something I’ve done a lot of lately.
I worry about what others think more than worrying about my own happiness.
I worry about what people think way too much and its been controlling me for way too long.
I worry about others and fixing their problems instead of looking within and fixing me first.
But not anymore. This is my life. I only have one and I’m not gonna waste another minute. I’ve been wasting time being sad when there ARE blessings in my life. Things to be happy for. Things to be celebrating. I’ve survived way too much to sit here and allow others to have so much control over me.
So to start this journey I’ve taken control. I’m done sharing my life with people I want to care, but don’t.
I’m done voyeuring in on their lives because I wish to have what they have or to be a part of what they have.
There ARE people who want me in their lives and share with me and I with them. I have connected and reconnected with some of the most amazing people and for that I’m eternally grateful. And maybe when I’m in a different mental and emotional place I’ll feel differently, but for 4+ years I’ve watched people’s lives move in a different direction than mine and it’s made me angry. It hurts to the very core. And while I wish I could blow it off, I would, but I can’t seem to anymore and I can’t deny that part of the problem is letting people in, watching what they do and feeling left out. All. The. Time.
So it’s done and I’m ready to move on. I’m sure it’ll take some getting used to. Everything new does. But I choose happiness, and I believe this is the first step for me.